Before I proceed, want to make a few things clear -
# 1 : I am not a feminist. I consider myself to be humanist. Even if the counter arguments say there have been so much oppression and abuse to women, for a change, women should rule. But on some stupid sense of justice, I cant take sides and IMHO, equality is an easy goal compared to taking someone's side.
# 2 : I dream of a world where people wont be judged or typecast by gender. When we see someone, the first thought that comes to our mind wont be a guy or a girl. It needs training to look at someone without thinking about gender but we must succeed. I have started this training myself in 1997 and still fails some times.
# 3 : I have a confession too. I feel lucky in India to be a guy who need not to be scared while walking down an alley at 11 pm, who can be a bit careless while choosing clothes, who can make friends easily, who is not criticized for working and who is not emotionally blackmailed every now & then. However I have a regret that no matter how much I feel the need of women empowerment, I can not get to bottom of it for being at the other side of river.
# 4 : I wont delve into women abuse and its root cause. I think I would need few more months to understand this sensitive issue and its remedies. However I believe this is deep-routed like racism and should be taken up in schools. We need to solve this via education from very early age.
#5 : There is another side of the coin as well. But statistically speaking, women are much more exploited in the world than men.
What is empowerment?
In my opinion, empowerment means freedom - freedom of speech, freedom of mind and freedom of life choices. It means to reach a position where you do not need support or appreciation for things that you do. It means that you do not depend on others financially, physically and more important, emotionally. When you stop complaining about your bad luck & choices in life, stop convincing yourself and have energy to help others.
Where is the problem (i.e. hurdles in the path of empowerment)?
In my opinion, empowerment means freedom - freedom of speech, freedom of mind and freedom of life choices. It means to reach a position where you do not need support or appreciation for things that you do. It means that you do not depend on others financially, physically and more important, emotionally. When you stop complaining about your bad luck & choices in life, stop convincing yourself and have energy to help others.
Where is the problem (i.e. hurdles in the path of empowerment)?
We all know where is the problem. Problem is there in
--our age old beliefs
--our deep-routed backdated ideas
--corruption among rule-makers of the patriarch society who favored them
--lack of unity among women
--emotional exploitation
--glorification of sacrifice and linking it to love,
--glorification of motherhood forgetting the human being
& double-standards in society when it comes to gender difference
What a man should do?
Train yourself to stop typecasting and forget the gender barriers. Do not always try to be diplomatically correct rather put yourself in her place and the words may come out differently. Do not expect her to make career sacrifices because your career is more important to family. Do not judge her smile as her being happy, listen to her heart. Say sorry when you behave like a chauvinist fool.
Do not give excuses in the names of parents, kids and "our" future. Be friend to your wife, your mother, your daughter. Understand them and their emotions, be there when they need a little push and learn to discontinue that support when they do not need them. DO NOT USE THEM, DO NOT TAKE THEM FOR GRANTED AND DO NOT EMOTIONALLY EXPLOIT THEM. PERIOD.
Do not give excuses in the names of parents, kids and "our" future. Be friend to your wife, your mother, your daughter. Understand them and their emotions, be there when they need a little push and learn to discontinue that support when they do not need them. DO NOT USE THEM, DO NOT TAKE THEM FOR GRANTED AND DO NOT EMOTIONALLY EXPLOIT THEM. PERIOD.
What a society should do?
Be supportive and innovative. Learn that the days of women exploitation are bad memories. Create infrastructure so that a mother can continue working without feeling guilty; create opportunities so that a wife and a husband can continue their career paths in the same city. Treat men & women with the same respect and teach a child to see a human being first and identify gender the last.
What friends should do?
When your male friend does a mistake, point out and make him understand it is not cool (if it is too intrusive to say that right-away, talk about that later in a different context). For your female friends, when they open up to you, do not brainwash them, think & advise beyond your own mental bias. Even for simple things, sometimes push is needed. A person sitting in a chair for long can forget how to walk and helping her to remind that she can walk does not need much of your time. Friends are the best things we have in the world and we can create a wonderful support system to change tears to smiles and weakness to strength. So, DO YOUR PART.
What you as a woman should do?
# Respond/retaliate against Patriarchy rules. The society is so accustomed to portray men as bread-earners and stronger counterpart, that women is always asked first to sacrifice. DO NOT SACRIFICE in the name of family, kids, husband or parents. Because you can not do injustice to yourself. You are the manager of your own happiness.You did not pass all your exams, read through so many books to be a housewife or a caregiver. BE INDEPENDENT. DO NOT REPEAT THE SAME MISTAKES OUR MOTHERS DID AND FALL IN THE SAME TRAP OF SACRIFICE. No matter how much your kids, parents or husband acknowledge you, the success will be second hand. Understand the housewife conspiracy unless you sincerely love homemaking. Some girls want to choose the role of homemaker at will after marriage but they should also think beyond first 5 yrs. Remember you at 30s or 40s may blame you at 20s later.So, Listen to your heart but intelligently
# Do not pick wrong fights. Do not drain yourself picking up petty matters and eventually, take critical decisions lightly. Prioritize your struggle against the chauvinists and give a strong response when needed. Learn to ignore usual negative remarks and choose your fights intelligently. Also, remember not every conflict is about gender difference. Just as a tip, guys are usually emotionally stupid to catch your signals.There are enough number of people to spread negative energy in the world and all we can do, is not to encourage them by listening to them and respond. People are always ready to typecast you but the best answer to that is to break those notions with your actions.So, do not overreact, save your energy. BUT, when it affects you, respond!!
# Support your female friends. It is very important to have a support group, probably more important the so-called gossip group. Women are exploited, abused and forced to sacrifice so often, there is no other option that being united. When you feel that you are living a nice empowered life, your role is to reach out the ones who can only dream of an independent abuse-free life. You do not need anyone to tell you what to do, your heart will guide you.
# It is good to be romantic but one can be semi-practical while being romantic as well. I feel very romantic looking at the clouds in a blue sky but I cannot look at them and cross a road, right? Being romantic about love and dreams are all good but do not let others exploit you!!
BUT, world needs your smiles, your beauty, your charm and above all, your romanticism...
# Love does not guarantee justice! The people you loved the most in your life, may not be justified to you. Because what people do in regular basis, is governed by their principles and culture. Love has no part to play there even though love is the nicest part of our lives.
#Kill all the insecurities. When you feel weak, try to track the root cause of that and if it is the fear of future, then go out -- run a mile -- leave the insecurity on the road. Most girls are exploited by others for their insecurity (known or unknown to them)
# Emotions give us energy but protect the weakest part of your heart. Not everybody deserves your affection, care and love. Learn the basic differences in the emotional build of a man and a woman. Befriend guys from childhood and you will understand the difference very well. Hence, It is important to have high Emotional Quotient (EQ) apart from being an emotional powerhouse.
To Summarize, your priorities of empowerment should be
1. Do not look for support.Be your own support system.
2. Forget the past memories of weakness but remember the lessons learnt
3. Fear and insecurity are absolutely NO-NO (when you feel insecure, go in front of mirror and slap yourself)
4. Learn the meaning of "Birbhogya basundhara" (only the strong can enjoy the world).. the emotional strength is more pertinent in today's world. If you are emotionally strong, you will enjoy the beauty of the world.
5. Train yourself against typecasting, age-old ideas and manipulations. For example, car-driving or carrying your own luggage - few months of training and you can be an expert.
6. Stop asking for favors as a woman if you are ever encouraged to do so.
7. State of mind tuned with your heart is important. Do not over-think every decision or every word.
8. It may be important to know how to dance, how to sing, how to swim but it is also mandatory to learn basic rules of self-defense.
9. Be confident in whatever you wish to do. Chase your dream, come out of the myths of sacrifice but confidently.
10. Most importantly, Help other women who are yet to break the chains and succeed.
( Agree only when you find these rules applicable in your life. In case I did not understand you well in this blog, it is my failure and forgive my immaturity in this matter)
The best memories in my life are mostly given by you in the form of mother, friends or the little girl who suddenly smiled at me. A stronger you can make a stronger me, a stronger us and a stronger society leading to a balanced and a much much better world.
