Thursday 30 August 2018

Learning in First Retirement : The Final Verdict

This is my tenth and last blog in this series where I tried to pour my heart out about the 18-month break, I termed as my 'First Retirement'. Little breaks or big breaks are not too uncommon in this world but it is quite unusual in a country like India specially if the materialistic loss is high.
(All the learning from my journey can not be expressed in blogs. These long blogs already test patience of readers!!)

Usual questions and comments, I got so far-

I envy you!
You should make money out of travels!!
You are my inspiration, I want to follow your footsteps to quit job and travel!!!
Can you really come back to your old life?
Was it worth it to make this dent to your career?


and few negative comments that I discussed before.

Let me make it clear. I do not want to make any kind of statement. It is my own journey and your journey can be something very different. Finally life is not about ticking bucket lists (that is a travel agency propaganda...even though sometimes I get deviated too in such lists).

I do not want to be a misinterpreted inspiration. I do not want to be someone's reason to quit job so that one can experience the world. If someone wants to learn from my journey so far, that is to listen to your heart even if you are very good at calculations. Being impractical comes naturally to me, but not to everyone!

Why I may never make money out of my travels or my love of mountains? - Those things are too personal to me to get anyone else involved or ask for money from someone. There is an inherent dilemma when you love mountains and to stay in mountains, you bring more people to that sensitive ecosystem only to ruin it. You love traveling to secret and beautiful places and you share those secrets only to make them included in the bucket list of tourists. Also I believe a person can have multiple interests - one for earning and more passionate one into a hobby.

Things changed over time. The one I started in Himalayas, moved to villages of India to an obsession for treks to a backpacker in south east Asia to an agitated trekker in a group not willing to share Himalayas with others to a random traveler in Europe to a self discovery trip in solo treks of Nepal. The journey never ends. Towards the end, I was simply tired. I could not absorb any more and that was the time to stop...Take a deep breath and prepare for the next steps. I think I reached the best carefree state of mind of enjoying the travel somewhere between sixth and 10th month when I stopped planning and used to go with the random wishes every day. First two months were most enjoyable as I was there in higher Himalayas non-stop.

How Romantic is it? - You do come across those motivating news - 'He/she left his/her job to pursue .....' or the situation of the movie 'Swedes' where a NASA program manager comes for visit to India, helps villagers, and quits NASA to come back to India. I am sorry life is not a movie or a hurried news story that does not understand the basic principles of life. You quit your job because you were not happy. There is no romance in that. I have seen thousands of people in my journey who did not join a regular job at all because they were passionate about something else and that satisfaction was more valuable for that person. Similarly, some of the conclusions I reached at the end of my journey, many of my practical friends knew those all along and they did not have to experience it or quit their hard fought positions. 

Is this for everyone? - Absolutely Not. Some part of me still reminds me the amount of stocks (read travel money) I lost and the dent it created in my career. The other parts know that I took it because I follow my heart. I may have a strong practical sense but I like the impractical part of me more and when the time comes, the manager listens to that impractical one. You can read my conflicts here.


So please do not be inspired by my actions. Just follow your heart or whatever we mean by that! Since there will always be reasons to have regrets, why not live a little in the process!!

Some wise person once said, we live in moments. If you tell me to list my top 100 moments of life, more than 80 will be from these 18 months of journey. That should tell something about life in general. We do not remember the time when you become practical and do the right thing at the right time, you remember the time when you do something stupid to follow your heart.....whether that is love, that is going for some passion or just a little break in a long life like I did.

What about my state of mind? - Even if I collected a bag of great moments, the state of mind is dependent on the temporary things at that instant. But Knowledge is an integration. So I think my knowledge quota has expanded a lot. How I process that information and knowledge, is up to me now.

Not only I gained experiences, I got many friends outside my usual technical (primarily IIT) circle. Now I have good share of trekker friends, traveler friends and people I met during this journey. They helped me to get rid of some mental bias ingrained due to one specific type of friend settings I had in last 15 years.

What is good about it? - getting closures. I wanted to spend time in Himalayas long term - I experienced that. I wanted to travel around India in local transports like a commoner, I could do that. I used to spend 4-5 hours volunteering for kids every week and one day, I realized that should not be my reason to stay in a polluted city. So I spent 5 months in different schools not only to get better understanding of the problems grass-root but also to satisfy my volunteering spirits. Now that my mind got closures on those things I have been trying to do for many years,  I am relatively free to choose anything I want to do. NO REGRETS!

What is bad about it? - I never prepared myself for the day when I decided to stop traveling. You can not prepare for it. The one who started the journey wont be the same at the end. And that is a big problem. I never experienced such anger and irritation when I stopped travelling and tried to adjust to Indian Metros. I was terrible. I was sick for months. I became depressed. I lost my will to drag the days. It was hell after heavenly days of travel. Worst part was that most travelers have to endure this pain when they stop. But that time also proved the fact that I have changed and the things I could have made peace with before, are not negotiable any more. The more I discover about the changes and try to absorb the learning, the easier it will be to go on. You can not come back to your old life.

End of day, I can make mountains with waterfalls, lakes, rivers, glaciers next to a beautiful ocean all in my own mind any time. And I started integrating nature (anything not human made) in my regular life. That is a welcome change in my mentality. Other things are background noise that will always be there.

However, I want to mention that I just love the unpredictability of my life created by the way, I take decisions!! Some random comments and some interesting thought process made me come back to India after 10 years in USA. A friend willing to go to Himalayas forced me to plan for a trek in Himalayas. I found new ideas to take breaks after that trek and I executed it. I planned something for a six month break, I did something else. I extended it to 18 months. I tried to do a lot of things after coming back and I failed in most of them. Then some opportunity knocked on the door and I am again close to nature. It is just like a personal roller coaster in random tracks. And finally all our lives are, in a way or the other. The moment you realize you are just 1 among 7 Billion souls, the stress of roller coaster journey vanishes and you just enjoy the ups and downs. You can scream or you can smile for the camera!!



Some moments just happen without planning....

Thursday 23 August 2018

Learning in First Retirement : Escapist route

Let me start this post with a little story (the reason I am writing this post) :

It was the summer of 2016. I was on the first month of my travel spree. Me and  four french travelers were on our way to Tsomiri lake in Himalayas. We stopped for lunch to see a perplexed local lady of Ladakh while her kitchen had been captured by a big gang from Hyderabad. They paid her some money to get the kitchen and to make their own rice etc. We had no option but to go for pre-cooked meals. 
A very enthusiastic man came to us and sprinkled our plates with lots of powder (coriander and chilly mix). I was happy but the french travelers were shocked a bit on the 'it is good for you' treat. Suddenly a 30-40 years old man came to me and asked my whereabouts. After hearing my little story of quitting job and not getting married even at 35, he gave a strong statement - ' You are doing injustice to your parents'. 

I smiled in my usual way (the smile to suppress the irresistible urge to show one specific finger) but that comment was very important for me to give some thoughts into understanding life of many Indians in general. It also reminded me of one discussion with an elder colleague who stressed a lot on the fact that life without continuous presence of a family is not the right way to live...

I am lucky to have a cool family with progressive thoughts but most young people in our country (specially girls) have to go through all these comments and mental pressure if they dare to think beyond the usual cycle. 

Now listen to this 'escapist' :-)

Actually if I was born in a developed country, there is a high chance that I would not have written this blog. Sometimes back I penned down some thoughts about the cycle of life. You can read it too if you have some time for the second thoughts.

To spread genes is a primal urge and no matter how much we wrap it with the societal norms, it is what it is. Marriage in most conservative societies means the way to fulfill that responsibility. Nobody understands that marriage or finding a life partner is not an achievement. It is a choice. 

Coming back to family, there is a big difference between loving ones family and living with ones family. Many people live together and they forget how to care for each other. They hurt and make each others unhappy. Then it is a compulsion for economic and societal reasons not bonded by love. 


And, there is commitment. When you bring someone to this world, you are bound to make sure they breathe clean air, they eat well and they live a good life without cut throat competition. My questions to most people in India, can you give your child that? They are supposed to bring people in a beautiful world but too many of them fighting for basic necessities can create a chaos. At the same time, whether you want to be a father or mother, is not anybody's business as long as you are aware of the stress on natural resources! Beyond that calculations, kids bring unlimited supply of positive energy with their beautiful eyes and smiles to the world, just think a bit before introducing them to your world, please do not have kids because your mother wants to see a grandchild or your friends facebook picture with kids is too cute :-)

Let me reiterate, I am not against marriage or having kids. Feeling someone else in your heartbeat and seeing a little heart beating (with whom you will relive your childhood again) are beautiful emotions but at the same time, it is important to understand - it is a choice. Every human being is not destined to spend a big chunk of life on raising children and then forcing them to do the same in their lives. 


My logic is simple. I do not believe in such path of life as a requirement. Whether you want to marry someone you love is your personal choice because that is irrelevant other than a societal stamp. I do care for the kids in this world and that is why I would request everyone to think once more before bringing one more soul. Earth is suffering due the inefficiency as well as overload of one species and you deserve a choice. Life is not a list of check lists that we hurriedly tick by peer pressure.

Be an escapist! Escape from the forced societal norms and the choking peer pressure! Choose your own life! Do not look at others - it is not your duty to be a father or mother! It is not your duty to be trapped in one mega city because your loved ones demand that. People who truly love you, should know when to let go.  If you do not believe in incarnation, all the more reasons to live your own life not trying to live someone else's.

That is why I started travelling.... to realize what I am born to do! Because I am not born to live in one place for a long time neither I am born to do the imposed duties. I am born to be free. 

From my own experiences, a developed country does not push ideas into the minds of people. It helps the people to choose their own path with wider boundaries. I can only hope if every citizen of this world has that choice - they are not brainwashed since childhood to follow some imposed religious beliefs, some weird list of things named culture, some imposed responsibilities to choke them and live with closed windows to restrict their minds.

I dream of a world where everyone is taught the true journey of humanity through ups and downs -  to develop an open mind so that they can make their own choices and a room for the beloved minds with many windows!!  




That is the 'escapist' during that Tso Moriri trip in Ladakh


Sunday 12 August 2018

Learning in First Retirement : Being No One

It is very odd in Indian context to believe that I love being alone most of the times given I have always maintained close friendships in every strata of life.  The concept of ambivert is difficult to digest. And I do have a big friend circle. Over past 20 years, I have friends from the technical field, non profit and education fields, running and trekking enthusiasts, travelers and many others I met in my journeys. This is outside of the regular family, school/college and colleague circles.

I like being alone with nature (except the times when sharing makes me happy and my companion knows that silence is golden). Outside nature, in a new place, I like being surrounded by strangers who do not know me at all. What? Probably that is the reason I am also blessed with many long term friendships because somehow I made my friends understand the weirdness of my character. Even-if they are aware of my ever changing phases, they do respect my ideals (I hope!). In the regular part of life, I do spend time with my friends electronically or in person but lately, I am reducing the regular sections of my life a lot :-)

Most people I know crave for attachments. They surround themselves with people they know & love, things they care for and humans who value their existence. But I value my attachments too and listen to them 50% of the time. Rest of the time I like to be detached. Lately, I started enjoying being a stranger or a no one in this world. A lot!!

I was always an observer of life since childhood. My little 18 month journey helped me exploit that part of me even more. I traveled at least a year in that break, completely among strangers. However, when I wanted to connect, I made great friends too. One thing I noticed before, when we go somewhere surrounded by people we know, we make less connections to the place or people we visit. Hence it was very important for me to focus on the journey and understand different cultures plus experience natural beauties of India and beyond. When you quit your job or the regular life to travel, you can not waste that time in talking about your technical work among techies of Bangalore. Because that discussion does not make sense to you during that journey. You would rather talk to a farmer in a mountain village to understand how they collect water, how they spend their winter, what songs they listen to and what vegetables they eat. 

I observed more and more. Being silent helped me to absorb more. Being a stranger helped me to go unnoticed. It helped me to break my ego barriers as well. Knowingly or unknowingly, I had been communicating with a very specific set of people outside imposed relations - the smart and successful ones. It gave me opportunity to interact all sections of the society and conduct my social experiments as I mentioned in an earlier blog about looks and first expressions.

After I returned to my "regular" life, that learning helped me a lot to maintain a balance inside me. Now, every bus or train ride feels like a journey to a new world. I notice people more in my walks.  Somehow I could connect more to humane flow of energy. I can sense the stimulation of the world in the form of natural beauty or in human interaction form in deeper levels. As the surroundings change with time, I know that I am not a stranger - somehow there is an invisible bridge to the energy of 7 Billion souls and trillions of connection to the trees, lakes, oceans and mountains (remember 'Tsaheylu' from 'Avatar'). As I open the windows of my mind, the light sets in and there is  no darkness in the world.... I am no one and every one through those trillions of connections!!!


My Himalayan princess who helped me kick start the conversations with myself.. 

Saturday 4 August 2018

Learning in First Retirement : Technology is not everything

Before all my technical friends start calling me a hypocrite and chase me with their smartphones and sandals, let me explain!!! You do realize that this comment is coming from an electronics engineer who not only got his bread and butter from Technology and the newborn obsession towards technology, but that obsession got him running shoes and hiking boots too. (I will mostly talk about tech related to electronics and computers here)

Unfortunately, I am from a country where most people judge your success by the amounts getting credited to your bank account at the end of day. In that money driven culture, whichever field has the most number of jobs,  wins the race!! The poets, the painters, the social change-makers need to make way for engineers. 

India started producing innumerable number of engineers. Electronics and computers are the most coveted fields these days because hell ya!! smartphones  and bigger computers do connect everyone and make your jobs easier at work. Now Apps being designed in every field because people are busy and lazy. If you look at the advertisements of newer apps, you may think they want to make your lives easy but actually they mostly want your money, which is OK I guess. The technology is mostly targeted for people with purchasing power and the money is mostly revolving in that sector. However the rich persons technology today becomes accessible to everyone tomorrow and that is a good trend to be happy about.

In my country a teacher (non-government) may earn 1/100th of the salary of a mediocre engineer because business is profitable, shaping someone's life is not. Very few decisions makers are taking the future generation seriously rather we are creating more problems for them - polluted cities to connect them, un-breathable air of choked roads to employ them and a privilege based education system to divide them.

In my long list of school visits in recent years, I have asked how the school kids (first generation learners mostly) use technology. They all use whatsapp but very few know how to become a doctor or lawyer or engineer or teacher because they never google. That is the irony!! Technology is there but hardly it is used the way it should be. Forget kids, how we adults are using technology these days - to vent our anger or frustration, to spy on others lives more than to spread positive news or just connect with close friends..

Last year, I was spending some quality time at a village of Spiti Valley, India with altitude of 14700 ft. There is no mobile network and I was wondering about my happiness quotient being off-grid?

Oh yes, I was super happy. I started talking to people, I started catching the village vibe, I started noticing the trees, the mountain springs, the peaks and the deer around. Above all, nobody can reach me!! That is a bliss in the overdose of connections. Many people trekking in Indian side of Himalayas, mention that as a plus point (to be unreachable) But what about the villagers?

They have no way to connect to the nearby city or some doctor there. The older couples can not talk to their children working in Chandigarh or Shimla. They get news by TV all right but that is also limited by weather. Then is it bliss for them? Not really.

To me, Technology fails as a solution when it becomes a market case. It loses its purpose when it becomes a privilege not a right (specially life altering ones).

I wanted to realize the plus and minus of technology needs (as I was off grid for a good part of my first retirement)

In my humble opinion, we need

1) Technology with conscience - Technology for basic infrastructure is a right. There should be a differentiation between 'good to have' and 'must have's. Also destructive innovations for money is a mess. The reasons why most engineers are focusing on things other than environmental problems indicate our priority.

2) Humane bonding over technology - Interact with people directly when possible. Look at someone's eyes when you are visiting them , not your smartphone screens. Your instagram or facebook accounts are not real you. It can be a reflection of some moments but best moments in life can not be captured in frames.

3) Realization that technology can not bring happiness - Your passion or hobby does, use technology as a tool not your source of happiness. That video call to home can only bring happiness because of your emotional bonding not because of the phone itself.

4) Balance the use of technical devices to keep sanity. Catch the vibes of nature around you. Your creativity can flow without all the apps. Think about the usage of calculator. It should not be your reason to use one while multiplying 4 by 3. 

5) to prioritize own Health over this obsession - this needs no explanation. Google the problems of sleep and how recent devices affect your eyes and other health components.

6) To prioritize earth/ mother nature over this obsession - We are choking earth but technologists are not talking about that. Some world leaders are even avoiding that question. Bangalore is a good example where a city with 2M+ engineers made a mess of nature around them to fill more engineers in the city.

7) People over business - Just because we have technology-  do not forget people. In a people driven business, they are considered as human beings. For a money driven business, they are mere resources and world will collapse sooner than you think. I am extremely sad how automation is being used in most of the world.

Technology helped us build new things, solve problems that we never thought we can solve but it also created new problems and many recipes of  a stressful life.

If every problem can be solved with technology, then we would not have such problems with plastic, problems with fake news, problems of unhappiness even with everything, problems with providing basic necessities to half the population of earth. Most problems can be solved with a creative mind, conscience, love for nature and humanity....Technological advances can give us an extra hand.

Finally it comes down to the us - the users. It is a responsibility too not just privilege. The way we use our own innovations will decide the fate of humanity.

I will stop here....sorry for the serious tone and the long read!!




A free bird without access to technology (except the one to capture this photo) in that Spiti village taken by a fellow trekker