Disclaimer - I am not sugar-coating this post to be fair to my own feelings. Please do not consider this as everyone's experience after coming back. This experience is from someone who loves own country and its people but can not ignore the obvious in the fake blindness of patriotism. This is my personal experience and it should be treated as such.
This blog will be long.. Please skip this if you are in your judgmental or impatient mode. It will be about my little story about coming back to my home country, my beloved India after 10 long years and why I left again after 5 happening years. It is not something new but it may not be a regular story since I have spent one full year in those five yrs, travelling all around my own country.
When I moved back, I wrote one blog about the move. I think it makes sense to write at least once after the exit given it has been six months.There are friends who raised concerns when I left USA and there are the ones who gave me some heavy judgmental comments when I left again. Finally if one leaves a heavily crowded space of 1.3 Billion, nothing changes!
I had seen only a few places outside Kolkata and Kharagpur when I left India in 2003. I never worked in India by then and a student's life in India revolves around books and coaching centers. I had enough bad experiences though in my first 22 years like a not-so-smooth childhood in a crowded turbulent and noisy alley of Kolkata, getting terribly sick by overdose of medicines in undergrad college and experiencing some real scares due to government school system. Thankfully with some luck, some hard work, lots of support from parents and some good infrastructure in my college, I reached the next step - a full scholarship for PhD in USA. I felt a little sad while leaving only for the family bonds that were difficult to connect via technology in those days. That is what India meant to me back then - just family.
During my 10 years in USA, I had seen that country a lot more than India. I got my respect and empowerment in USA. I got my International exposure, close friends and an identity in USA. The education system and opportunities there helped me to support and transform situation of my family. I started running half marathons, trekking mountains and became an outdoor person. I ended up visiting most national parks in USA and my bonds with nature started there. It was not always smooth but I learned to enjoy life in its full form. When in 2013, I came back to India, I knew I would be an alien in the first few months. I rejected the idea of secure return so I did not take my Green Card. I returned to India for a long haul - not just to test the water out. I also came back from a very beautiful place in California that I still miss.
When I came back and struggled to adjust to a completely different life I was not used to, these were the observations in first few years
- The technical environment is different even across same company in US and India. Even if the knowledge is similar but the backgrounds are drastically different. I missed the international environment of USA surrounded by PhDs.
- Everyone talks about money. Sadly, I started that too.
- Outside office, if someone knows you have money, they want to sell you something. If from your appearance, it looks like you do not have money, then the cars won't stop for you and your existence has no value for anyone.
- The stress level of people is really high (specially the families with kids). Even if people can make their lives easier, they wont do it for some insignificant reasons. That affects everyone.
- The stress level of people is really high (specially the families with kids). Even if people can make their lives easier, they wont do it for some insignificant reasons. That affects everyone.
- Still the parents dictate the lives of many young people who are independent and working in good positions. That saddened me the most because this is exactly why caste and gender based discrimination culture is still there. The previous generation won't let the current one breathe.
- It is a life of hierarchy. If I walk through broken pavements in plain clothes and if I drive a car in my formal attire, the value of my life will be many fold.
- Little things to maintain outdoor-active life is cumbersome. To run a 10-km distance, one has to wake up at 4 am to avoid the traffic or the pollution.
- Most people judge your life specially the serious ones will never be happy. They will always criticize. Even if you sell your kidney to save a kid's life, they will say that you should have saved two. After a point, I just ignored.
- People do get lots of happiness talking negative things and insulting others in different ways.
- People made peace with compromises. For example, most people think to get a good job, one needs to deal with the pollution. To get a good salary, one has to sacrifice private life. To get a good education, one has to spend a fortune. When it becomes the country of compromise, what is there to change!
- People made peace with compromises. For example, most people think to get a good job, one needs to deal with the pollution. To get a good salary, one has to sacrifice private life. To get a good education, one has to spend a fortune. When it becomes the country of compromise, what is there to change!
- It is also possible to ward off all the negativity with the help of good friends who have similar aims in life. I also got involved in direct non-profit social activities like teaching underprivileged kids. That was really satisfying.
- I kept my priorities straight to reach out the other sections of society (outside the technical crowd)
I slowly understood why people are not that outgoing in India in regular basis - because it is very difficult to have an active life. I understood why people need a caring family to always stick together - to give you moral boost when you have to deal with 2 hrs daily traffic and extreme work pressure. You need lots of friends because the infrastructure needs constant support. Even to maintain basic standards, one has to work very hard.
I also learned to answer those judgmental people that I have given back the govt subsidy in my undergrad years 20X in form of taxes while working in India.To remind myself, I am among the niche section of 3% who give taxes in India and that is one of the biggest challenge of Indian Government other than the messed-up priorities of political parties. About taxes, it also feels better to think that I supported 2-3 teachers' salaries while paying taxes to Government because definitely the roads or pathetic support given to the poorer section of our society wont justify the tax.
I wrote a two-part blog after 2 years in India - part 1 & part 2. However, once my initial agenda was over, I was impatient and then I met Himalayas. That little encounter caused a journey of lifetime across the high altitude villages to remote corners of India. I spent close to six months in villages as part of my non profit agenda to change India from grass-root. I talked to hundreds of teachers and thousands of students. If you are interested, you can read the final verdict of my journey here.
About India (from an observer/traveler viewpoint not a techie)
When I traveled, I got rid of all the comforts of the riches and walked the roads in cheapest public transports in not-so-attractive clothes seeing corner to corner. I ended up walking close to 2000 km in Indian roads and trails.
The good/better/best
- I realized slowly the heart and soul of India do not lie in those congested polluted suffocated metros because our souls can not thrive in that environment.
- India being a country of extremes, there are crazy good places with beauty and infinite warmth of local people. Every place is not like the hellhole called Delhi.
- The landscapes are mind-blowing and if you are ready to take the difficult path to walk the roads, you will discover it more
- Realize it or not, we spend a lot of energy and efforts for the food that we eat. The results are amazing almost in each part of India.
- The villages where plastics have not reached.
- The properly educated communities where people respect each other and there are many amazing people who are trying to save their environment.
- The next generation full of energy and smile. It was difficult to integrate 5-6 hours of teaching as a volunteer in open and govt schools apart from my work but that was the best part of my weeks.
- Since there are so many options, you can always find warm-hearted people and you can lead a good life with lots of humane and positive energy.
- Most people are really hard working. Which is good as well as sad since people are fighting for some basic things like clean water, clean air and better environment for their children.
- There are super humans working among people who have the energy to transform thousands of lives. I have met such people in my non profit journey, not so much in my technical circle.
The Bad
- It is a country of judgement. Everyone is judging! I get less judgement because I am a man and I am not so easy going when people throw comments. Women deal with a lot more. After a point, one can learn how to ignore the looks and comments easily. The more difficult form of that is in the inherent racism that you would face and notice.
- It has a culture of expectations. It is a major propaganda and brainwash that will force you to feel that you are never able to meet people expectations. You can also learn to ignore that.
- There are too many boundaries between people.
The Ugly
- The population and the mismanagement surrounding it are choking the next generation.
- The money-centric education and healthcare as a business both are crushing the lower middle class and part of middle class. This is causing a vicious cycle of poverty difficult to break.
- Having some of the most beautiful natural landscapes surrounding us, the people are destroying it one tree at a time.
- Did I say the obsession of plastic. The village ponds are now plastic ponds, the lakes around metros are severely polluted.
- The lack of trust. No wonder people do not want to go out of their comfort zones and the people they know well.
- The lack of trust. No wonder people do not want to go out of their comfort zones and the people they know well.
- The value of the 90% population of India who do not earn a lot. They are not well, they are insecure and when the majority is in distress, the country is in distress no matter what the well-to-do sections think. It is a country where you do not want to be someone without money.
Why Leave again!!
Many asked me that, after knowing India so closely and able to contribute so much grass root, why leave then! I will not bore you talking about the humiliation I faced while I tried to get involved with a clear mind or the out-of-place feeling among the egotist academicians of India who could not have any understanding of my profile. I was a bit unlucky in academic domains as well given my field is very infrastructure intensive and there is almost 10-15 years gap between India and developed countries in my field. It was embarrassing and it was difficult to prove again and again. I am tired to put all my time and energy in technical fields where I think more societal efforts than technical are needed to change India. And I can not survive outside an academic campus in metros.
Once I read in Quora where someone mentioned with own experiences that India does not need people who have proved themselves abroad because the ones who succeeded in India have struggled much more and they do not want you to get the best of both worlds. It is not an inclusive culture.
Once I read in Quora where someone mentioned with own experiences that India does not need people who have proved themselves abroad because the ones who succeeded in India have struggled much more and they do not want you to get the best of both worlds. It is not an inclusive culture.
Sometime in 2018, I was sitting in a cemented auditorium in a good apartment complex of Bangalore and I noticed almost every kid is coughing. The air even inside the complex was polluted. Then I realized - it is such a sad situation here that even being the smartest people at work and buying apartment costing more than 60-70 lakhs, the parents are not able to guarantee breathable air for their kids. That is exactly where the formula of development of India is failing. It is failing the people even with more money flowing to the privileged, it is causing more harm than imagined.
After my return from my travels and while spending 6 months in Kolkata and Bangalore, I coughed blood or fell plain sick whenever I walked without mask. The himalayan trekker felt weak and sick dealing with the pollution and the feeling of trapped in between the concrete, away from the blues and greens.
You always have the moment when you decide that enough is enough. There comes a day while I was trying to make my way avoiding the impending doom of being hit by cars to walk on a muddy road. I cursed all the way and regretted every little or big sacrifices I made to be in my home country, I decided that it is not working. It was very painful decision to leave but I left for the same reason as I came back - to be in a position to help others and myself. If I am sick and unhappy, I bring negative energy to a country that is already suffering from a lot of it. It was time to say good bye to a country whose landscapes I loved the most and people I feel most connected to.
My honest suggestion to friends who are planning to return -
Be aware that your homeland has a Human Development Rank of 130 in the world. So if you are here today reading my blog, it is because of luck - either being blessed with special intelligence that got noticed in the right place or being born in the right family. You are among the top 10 pct of the country and the rest 90 pct is not doing well. You have to live with the fact that most people in India are suffering and it is not getting much better because of growing population and failing models of development. Technology and some policies are improving the life styles of the top 10 pct. But it is getting more difficult for the majority with high inflation, unplanned govt policies and above all, heartlessness of people towards fellow citizens. When farmers protest, it is real. When common people are pushed to corner due to unmanageable population and apathy from others, it is real. When people say things are improving in India, it is just the lives of the chosen few.
But I still have hope that once population saturates, Government takes inclusive decisions to take care of everyone, the education spreads, farmers & entrepreneurs from every corner push the transport mafias and middlemen out- India will be a more even place to live. Whether I will be alive that day or not, I am not sure but through my non profit efforts I will keep working on the topics of quality education and imparting skills of employ-ability. I do believe proper education and employ-ability training will be the key game charger in days to come. High tech sector may not solve most of India's problems.
Anyway, if you plan to come, secure your return in the form of foreign passports (if you can because when you try to go back, you will compete with millions) and have some strong long-term agenda in your mind, example follows
1) If you are one among the lucky fellows to have a PhD, Being a professor in India can be quite rewarding specially if you can teach well and have the energy to change the outdated culture of academic institutions of India. You will breathe good air and good company in form of students with some sacrifice in the finance department.
2) If you are very family-centric and you do not care if the air is poisonous or not and you live less active and outgoing life, you should be OK. Among loved ones, the problems do not feel like problems. Problems are like opportunities to bond.
3) If you are not getting traction in your job abroad and got a great opportunity to lead a big team where you can contribute much more. Remember if you can bring more high tech jobs, that means more tax payers. Also in that process, you employ more people in all sectors - house-helps, drivers, grocery sellers.
4) You are an entrepreneur by nature and you want to scale fast via Apps. India is the place to grow as even if you get traction in a small part of a town, you can get 100 thousand customers.
5) You are slowly changing and you do not like the change. Coming back will help to retain your own self. This was precisely the reason for me to come back and to leave again.
5) You are slowly changing and you do not like the change. Coming back will help to retain your own self. This was precisely the reason for me to come back and to leave again.
If you have kids, be prepared that they will not get access to breathable air unless you are fortunate enough to have the reason #1.
That is all. Please take this blog with all my mature and immature observations as I swing between practicality and pure emotional decisions. I never regretted coming back as it helped me discover the other sides of me - the funnier side, the adventurer, the traveler, the teacher and it also made me closer to my family.
About me and my decisions, India never left me because these metros are not good representatives of India - they are very small and insignificant parts of India for me. While being physically away from my family, technology is there and I learned how to effectively use the long distance communication tools for the ones I love. India for me is the beautiful landscape that embraced me and the smiles of children that motivated me to be more energetic in solving their problems. For that, I would rather be somewhere in the corner of the world where I can breathe and think clearly about their future. A happy mind is the most productive one and one should not go against it, no matter how much cultural brainwashing may ask someone to go in the other direction. If that leads me back to India again after a few years or a decade, I will happily do that.
A country is made up of both the natural landscapes and the people. When I left, I felt much more connected to both of these than most people in the country itself. So in that sense, I never left India.
The best parts of India - the landscapes and the children
