Sunday 2 June 2019

Self-discovery : The immature version

Ya. I am again talking about that break I took that nobody cares about... and what I learned. I will try to bore you to maximum with this little blog. Blame someone else. Recently, I came across this blog  by another traveler and that compelled me to write down some thoughts....

Let's just say, I am not that great a person to do sacrifices in the department of finance or career easily however being moody and temperamental suits me. It is easy when you have nothing to lose so when high school pass-outs from Europe take a world tour in shoe string budget, they are more stress free. Whereas people like me well-settled and being practical to succeed in this world, we have less reasons to take 18 month break. But I believe one of the prominent reason is BOREDOM that I did not highlight enough before.

I have written a series of ten blogs (gosh!!) about what I learnt and what I did not learn from my break I termed as first retirement. But let me come out of the emotional big words like 'self discovery' or ' I want to find out what I am born to do rather than what I am trained to do' and say that.....

I WAS BORED. I WAS BORED to death by the repetitions of words, food, people, work, scenery ....everything. So my self discovery is to get out of boredom and also do something good to myself and to others. I wanted adventure, I wanted variations, I wanted to see people from other backgrounds not the same technical people talking about products, stocks, integrated circuits, career, problems of their family, lack of sleep, school fees for their kids........ I was done. I wanted to see life. That was my self discovery trip (as I told while declining a nice career opportunity just before quitting in 2016).

Yes, some people do not like the regular life - family-driven, a life with a small set of important people, a life with beautiful moments of love and hurdles of practicality and own desires, a life of rules, a life of doing the right and repetitive things that one is supposed to do. No! I never understood why? I respect the ones who live that life and I do enjoy times in a family setup - do not get me wrong here. But, some people are not born to be happy that way. Why should we? Go back 1000 years, most of us were traveling, hiking, hunting from one place to another, drinking and eating under the tree, not satisfied with an enclosed life, so may be I had that gene strong. Being happy with less is important in life but what if you are bored with that life. That is a basic problem.

Finally, you may ask - oye novice philosopher (who claims to unlock all the treasures of life), why are you using such big words without knowing enough what it takes to live the simple beautiful life with family and kids? Did you at least discover yourself and break the boredom?

Not at all, I am bored and always will be bored. I got bored during my 6th month in Himalayas while walking towards Annapurna base camp (one of the most beautiful trails) because the scenery was not enough. I was bored with the crystal blue water of the Arabian sea because it was not that blue. So that did not change. Now I am even cursed not to enjoy regular conversations with friends so much because it is not exciting enough!

Well done, my self discovery trip...you did some permanent damage!!!

What changed is that I got additional pair of eyes - the eyes that get activated at random instances, the eyes that can see more than just trees or mountains, the eyes that appreciate peoples smiles and that has nothing to do with boredom. And I am changing my life style around the things that trigger that vision.

I chased adventure and happiness in the things I love, I got something I did not have, something I could not explain or share. And that is not self discovery in the common terms, it is like something Tagore mentioned long back - to see more clearly the beauty around us. Or may be if not today, I will become more modest in future like what Gustav Flaubert said - “Travel makes one modest. You see what a tiny place you occupy in the world.”

Or may be my threshold of boredom will get worse and I will be bored even more easily...that way I will become more adventurous and will have more moments that would take my breath way!!

That is all...nothing more to say :-)

' Not all those who wander are lost' - J R R Tolkien


I was definitely not bored here (Pic courtesy - fellow trekker)