2020 - A year without Travels

2020 is a year with chains for people who have the privilege of  doing regular travels - national or international. It is true that in my first 18 years, I had made only 5-6 trips outside Kolkata (with 7 years of total dry spell). But after undergraduate studies, I have never stationed myself in one place for such a long time, it made me realized so many things. Let me ponder over some of them. 

1) Travel is a privilege

This year, I learned that travel is a privilege. Last 10 years, I have been rigorously travelling in weekends and taking long breaks for experiencing new things through travels. I never realized that it became part of my motivation in life. Without travels, everything seemed dull. Then I remembered how my friends with family + more leave restrictions,  would plan only once or twice holidays and they would try to make the best out of it. I remembered some people I met during travels who were out of their home first time etc. I suddenly could connect with them. 

2) Not to boost about freedoms of travels and to understand others bindings

I was not fully bound to home this year. I could cycle through national parks near my place and also hike in nearby parks. So, my situation was not as bad as many during the pandemic. I was happy and sad at the same time for that. 

Somehow, I did not feel like sharing any updates or pictures. I never felt like that before in social media, when I used to give my daily travel updates: I used to think that the ones who enjoys such posts with experiences, would like it and nobody would feel bad/jealous as such. But this time, I felt that when there is freedom of travel missing in most part of world, I can not bring much happiness with my cycling and hiking posts.  

3) To care more 

The positive part of staying mostly at home gives someone time to think about life. I realized care to be the best positive enforcement of life. We take so many things for granted sometimes, we undermine the importance of gratitude. I am hopeful, over time, this realization will make me a better person. I still have a long way to go :-)

Thankfully, Asha for Education always gives me that opportunity to help the underprivileged in my home country. The initial feeling of helplessness while the world is suffering was less due to that opportunity given to me.  

4) The digital identity and fictional social world around it

The human touch is missing in the digital world. When we are away from human presence, we realize it. At least I did, I can switch between introvert and extrovert ways but 2020 was too much even for the introvert in me. In the first half of 2020, there was a 5 week time when I did not meet any friend, family or colleague (just cautious not to be a spreader), so absolutely zero human interaction in person those times. It made me realize no matter how much I try to be independent, we are us because of others around us.  

No matter, how many zoom calls or whatsapp video calls happen with family or friends, without real conversations, it wont work after a time. 

5) Enjoy little things of life

But some things were better for me in 2020. I could see little things, simple things. Now that I do not need to plan for new countries to go or new mountains to hike or new beaches to visit, I started noticing simple things around me. The flowers, the leaves, the shapes of trees, the riverside meadows and above all, the slow changes of mother nature around me. I even made a flower book collecting pictures of different flowers during spring (like the school times). 

I am finishing my post with few of these flower pictures without making any big philosophical statement....Lets 2020 be the year of realization and the year we learned to care for everybody in our society :-)

What is Education?

I do not know the answer but I keep wondering....so this post is a collection of my thoughts..Also, sometimes, I am utterly perplexed with the value system of society and priorities of majority in these days.

To be honest, I am not a beginner in the field of commonly accepted version of education. I have been volunteering with an educational non-profit for 15 years now. Thanks to that association, I have been part of several non-traditional education centers as well as many discussions about quality of education and I happily interacted with thousands of students and teachers. Apart from that, to get more insight, I have taught voluntarily in formal school setting and open school settings for more than a year. Above all, I am among those who somehow managed to succeed in one of most competitive form of ''Education''. That counts for something, I guess.

But I am still very confused. Pardon my naivety. Also, please note, my post is primarily in Indian context. I would not show my courage to analyze rest of the world for the time being. Like my usual blogs, it is loooooooong.
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Is it there to prepare us for contribution to the society?

This is probably the most glorified version of it. We build the society so that we can share the load of moving it forward. Education is there to achieve that vision.
But try to convince that to a 12 year old struggling with remembering names and dealing with piles of books to understand its significance in her or his life!!
Just as an example, I never understood how knowing the exact year of some historical event matters in that responsibility. History is one of my favorite subject. Yet, in my opinion, it should be used as a character building tool rather than memory exercise. Exercise memory and brain are good but not for getting marks.

In reality, the preparation starts after class 12 or even later, when almost everything is decided by the quality of school, the bank balance of the parents, the teachers they come across, some inherent merits and sheer luck.....Yes luck, a lot of luck is needed to succeed.
Do you know, what is the most common stream of graduation in primarily agriculture-dependent rural India? It is not agricultural science or something else. It is Bachelor in Arts or pass course - the primary reason is that the students can afford other streams. 

Is it for preparing our brain for the future ahead?

Logical reasoning via Math, understanding the world with the help of science subjects & geography, pattern recognition and communication via learning new languages, critical reasoning and memory building with other subjects. - all this,  I  can understand

But is it happening to the 95% of students in India who are not privileged to go to the top 100 schools in any state ???
During my visits to schools everywhere, I used to ask students do you know the reason why we study any subject. Forget the students, most teachers do not know. (Most common answers are - to get a job, to make parents happy, to take care of parents or to get marks)

Is it there to create a value system?

To teach values, one needs to go beyond marks and syllabus. I believe a young mind should be given time to process and they should be given non-academic books to read. I guess the ones who included literature inside the language subjects thought about it as teaching values. However, I am not sure that is working when one prepares the questions via suggestion notes to get marks.

Also, I really doubt the current system teaches anything about mutual respect...It is somehow missing everywhere due to pride and insecurities.

Is it there to create challenges and prepare us emotionally and psychologically?

This is probably true. The success and failure & its consequences on young minds can prepare someone for psychological and emotional hurdles. However, sometimes it is too sudden and too heartbreaking.

The challenges of the empowered section are different - to meet the expectation of their parents. The other section is struggling just to meet basic necessities when they grow up. Do you know many students leave schools or colleges because they could not arrange an amount like 1000 INR or they are married off because the admission fee is too high ?? Things are getting better in last 20 years but we are crushing many beautiful minds every day.

Is it there just to secure Job?

I did a social experiment in this department too. I have asked not so privileged students from different class, what they want to be when they grow up. The 6 years old students cite film-stars, cricketer etc....the 12 year old engineer, doctor, teachers.....the 14 year old - police , nurse etc. Do you notice the irony?

(You can ask your kid, the kid of your house-help, the kids in urban slums and the kids in rural areas...do the experiment yourself)

Given the availability of jobs and means to sustain a decent life, it is clear the formal education will not land us a Job. I have written in much more details on this issue in another article

https://medium.com/@padmanava.sen/direction-and-mentoring-need-of-the-hour-beyond-funding-3b05ea70392c

Is it to separate out different economic classes or workers?

In current situation, this is probably the harshest truth , I will mention here. Historically, different teachings are given to children based on their parents' job. If we think, we are past such days. It is not. With the hypocrisy inbuilt in our system, making the education one of best business, we are doing exactly that in our country. Otherwise innumerable students would not suffer because they can not expertise on a language that is not even their mother tongue.

Do we need formal Education at all?

My final question !! If there is not much connection to securing a job, would we be happier without the 10-15 years interaction with academic books and just enjoy those times the best we can . Since for most people, life after childhood is a struggle anyway! Let the nature be the teacher, let the stories be the teacher, let the playground be the teacher...and lets learn some values to give be a good person. To build things or to help the society, we may learn subjects but in a completely different format than the current one.
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Now , personally I always felt 'Education' is a start to a long life of learning. Education is there to ignite interests and to shape out some level of confidence to face the world with knowledge. The learning does not end in the boundaries of school or college, the knowledge does not come only from parents, teachers or books....and the formal education is merely a start when the mind is fresh with less distractions!!

Let me get even more personal..

In my life, the marks have made sure I cross the hurdles. The memory helped me to get the tag of a good student. The logical thinking helped me do well in engineering field and then the critical reasoning probably got some research done by me. But they are there to satisfy the societal norms. They do not make me a better person. The value system and knowledge gathered outside the regular job made me the person who I am. The books I read, the team lessons I got during a football or cricket match, the words of others that made a mark in my mind, made me who I am. Those values and thoughts made me enjoy the existence more. 

However, I am kind of convinced that Education should be that source of confidence imparted by knowledge, the platform of good values to be considerate and respectful, and something that helps one to take care of ones self, the immediate family,  the nature around and the greater family we all belong to.

And hope, yes I have a lot of hope when I look at the eyes of next generation brimming with confidence. A good example is this little girl in one of the most remote and troubled district of Uttar Pradesh, India. 

Self-discovery : The immature version

Ya. I am again talking about that break I took that nobody cares about... and what I learned. I will try to bore you to maximum with this little blog. Blame someone else. Recently, I came across this blog  by another traveler and that compelled me to write down some thoughts....

Let's just say, I am not that great a person to do sacrifices in the department of finance or career easily however being moody and temperamental suits me. It is easy when you have nothing to lose so when high school pass-outs from Europe take a world tour in shoe string budget, they are more stress free. Whereas people like me well-settled and being practical to succeed in this world, we have less reasons to take 18 month break. But I believe one of the prominent reason is BOREDOM that I did not highlight enough before.

I have written a series of ten blogs (gosh!!) about what I learnt and what I did not learn from my break I termed as first retirement. But let me come out of the emotional big words like 'self discovery' or ' I want to find out what I am born to do rather than what I am trained to do' and say that.....

I WAS BORED. I WAS BORED to death by the repetitions of words, food, people, work, scenery ....everything. So my self discovery is to get out of boredom and also do something good to myself and to others. I wanted adventure, I wanted variations, I wanted to see people from other backgrounds not the same technical people talking about products, stocks, integrated circuits, career, problems of their family, lack of sleep, school fees for their kids........ I was done. I wanted to see life. That was my self discovery trip (as I told while declining a nice career opportunity just before quitting in 2016).

Yes, some people do not like the regular life - family-driven, a life with a small set of important people, a life with beautiful moments of love and hurdles of practicality and own desires, a life of rules, a life of doing the right and repetitive things that one is supposed to do. No! I never understood why? I respect the ones who live that life and I do enjoy times in a family setup - do not get me wrong here. But, some people are not born to be happy that way. Why should we? Go back 1000 years, most of us were traveling, hiking, hunting from one place to another, drinking and eating under the tree, not satisfied with an enclosed life, so may be I had that gene strong. Being happy with less is important in life but what if you are bored with that life. That is a basic problem.

Finally, you may ask - oye novice philosopher (who claims to unlock all the treasures of life), why are you using such big words without knowing enough what it takes to live the simple beautiful life with family and kids? Did you at least discover yourself and break the boredom?

Not at all, I am bored and always will be bored. I got bored during my 6th month in Himalayas while walking towards Annapurna base camp (one of the most beautiful trails) because the scenery was not enough. I was bored with the crystal blue water of the Arabian sea because it was not that blue. So that did not change. Now I am even cursed not to enjoy regular conversations with friends so much because it is not exciting enough!

Well done, my self discovery trip...you did some permanent damage!!!

What changed is that I got additional pair of eyes - the eyes that get activated at random instances, the eyes that can see more than just trees or mountains, the eyes that appreciate peoples smiles and that has nothing to do with boredom. And I am changing my life style around the things that trigger that vision.

I chased adventure and happiness in the things I love, I got something I did not have, something I could not explain or share. And that is not self discovery in the common terms, it is like something Tagore mentioned long back - to see more clearly the beauty around us. Or may be if not today, I will become more modest in future like what Gustav Flaubert said - “Travel makes one modest. You see what a tiny place you occupy in the world.”

Or may be my threshold of boredom will get worse and I will be bored even more easily...that way I will become more adventurous and will have more moments that would take my breath way!!

That is all...nothing more to say :-)

' Not all those who wander are lost' - J R R Tolkien

I was definitely not bored here (Pic courtesy - fellow trekker)

The case of Self-Imprisonment

Disclaimer - I am my own sample set even if some of my thoughts are shaped by discussions I had over the years with friends/family and of course, the way I processed the world around. To be very frank, I can only fully vouch for the way I feel and analyze my thoughts. So take my blogs in that spirit. (Like the title says - RANDOM THOUGHTS OVERFLOWING)

Over the years, I keep having these questions in my mind. Bear with me as I try to answer my own questions :-)

Who is the Master and who is the slave?

body, mind, heart or soul - where lies the brave....

While not solving at-hand problems, our brains get streams of positive and negative thoughts. Filtering and processing them is the tough part. If I am the manager of my thoughts, why do I let negative thoughts enter my brain. Sometimes those thoughts can be triggered by some comments or negative energy from someone else but most of the times, I am the only making myself sad. It took some time to train myself to be that aware to block the negative thought spirals. The ones who can keep positive thoughts longer in their minds, are usually the happy ones.

If we make peace with our primal urges and so called vices, if we learn to justify our mistakes, if we learn to accept our emotional obsessions, then we must be the slave.

If we can be aware of the things that make us human and still keep a separate identity to balance them, may be we are the master.

Or may be there is no master or slave, it is just those biological random neural impulses that we fools think that we can or can not control. However that control changes everything around us. The way we feel the world and the way we perceive ourselves.

Does it get better over the years?

The best moments are always those when I am in the moment - no past, no future- just present. And that too if  I am with the right people or the right place, life is bliss. However, my bold decisions helped me to create those right conditions as I said NO to the influenced beliefs and I tried to form something of my own- influenced by many but processed by myself.

So, time and training do help!

What really helped me?

Being aware even when I am weak and prone to mistakes. An observer does not always disrupt but can give guidance when the sense and strength are back.

Why I think this back and forth is not bad!!

It is fun most of the times. However, sometimes it ruins the 'living in the moment' thing. But why should we spend the whole day to solve a puzzle if it was solved yesterday? May be we should learn something new every day. So back and forth short recap is good but not repeating lessons.

Did I find my genie?

Sometimes all the thoughts align, the genie appears and asks me what boons I want. I wish to ask the same thing - give me the awareness+ energy to learn and ignore the rest.  I ended up loving Himalayas because to be aware/conscious was easier for me there. And the genie was there all the time as the guide and somehow stayed with me since then. To be centered , one does not need to be in Himalayas I believe. But for me, nature is that home and Himalaya was that catalyst to build that connection.

One can be at their home and be the happiest & most centered---- at peace with herself/himself. But some people need bigger homes with a blue roof expanded to the horizon, an endless valley floor and a mountain mirror to see a better reflection of ones self... some do not.

Wishing everyone to find their own genie and their own home....

To my genie.....

India - my emotional return and emotional exit

Disclaimer - I am not sugar-coating this post to be fair to my own feelings. Please do not consider this as everyone's experience after coming back. This experience is from someone who loves own country and its people but can not ignore the obvious in the fake blindness of patriotism. This is my personal experience and it should be treated as such.

This blog will be long.. Please skip this if you are in your judgmental or impatient mode. It will be about my little story about coming back to my home country, my beloved India after 10 long years and why I left again after 5 happening years. It is not something new but it may not be a regular story since I have spent one full year in those five yrs, travelling all around my own country.

When I moved back, I wrote one blog about the move. I think it makes sense to write at least once after the exit given it has been six months.There are friends who raised concerns when I left USA and there are the ones who gave me some heavy judgmental comments when I left again. Finally if one leaves a heavily crowded space of 1.3 Billion, nothing changes!

I had seen only a few places outside Kolkata and Kharagpur when I left India in 2003. I never worked in India by then and a student's life in India revolves around books and coaching centers. I had enough bad experiences though in my first 22 years like a not-so-smooth childhood in a crowded turbulent and noisy alley of Kolkata, getting terribly sick by overdose of medicines in undergrad college and experiencing some real scares due to government school system. Thankfully with some luck, some hard work, lots of support from parents and some good infrastructure in my college, I reached the next step - a full scholarship for PhD in USA. I felt a little sad while leaving only for the family bonds that were difficult to connect via technology in those days. That is what India meant to me back then - just family.

During my 10 years in USA, I had seen that country a lot more than India. I got my respect and empowerment in USA. I got my International exposure, close friends and an identity in USA. The education system and opportunities there helped me to support and transform situation of my family. I started running half marathons, trekking  mountains and became an outdoor person. I ended up visiting most national parks in USA and my bonds with nature started there. It was not always smooth but I learned to enjoy life in its full form. When in 2013, I came back to India, I knew I would be an alien in the first few months. I rejected the idea of secure return so I did not take my Green Card. I returned to India for a long haul - not just to test the water out. I also came back from a very beautiful place in California that I still miss.

When I came back and struggled to adjust to a completely different life I was not used to, these were the observations in first few years

- The technical environment is different even across same company in US and India. Even if the knowledge is similar but the backgrounds are drastically different. I missed the international environment  of USA surrounded by PhDs.

- Everyone talks about money. Sadly, I started that too.

- Outside office, if someone knows you have money, they want to sell you something. If from your appearance, it looks like you do not have money, then the cars won't stop for you and your existence has no value for anyone.
- The stress level of people is really high (specially the families with kids). Even if people can make their lives easier, they wont do it for some insignificant reasons. That affects everyone.

- Still the parents dictate the lives of many young people who are independent and working in good positions. That saddened me the most because this is exactly why caste and gender based discrimination culture is still there. The previous generation won't let the current one breathe.

- It is a life of hierarchy. If I walk through broken pavements in plain clothes and if I drive a car in my formal attire, the value of my life will be many fold.

- Little things to maintain outdoor-active life is cumbersome. To run a 10-km distance, one has to wake up at 4 am to avoid the traffic or the pollution.

- Most people judge your life specially the serious ones will never be happy. They will always criticize. Even if you sell your kidney to save a kid's life, they will say that you should have saved two. After a point, I just ignored.

- People do get lots of happiness talking negative things and insulting others in different ways.
- People made peace with compromises. For example, most people think to get a good job, one needs to deal with the pollution. To get a good salary, one has to sacrifice private life. To get a good education, one has to spend a fortune. When it becomes the country of compromise, what is there to change!

- It is also possible to ward off all the negativity with the help of good friends who have similar aims in life. I also got involved in direct non-profit social activities like teaching underprivileged kids. That was really satisfying.

- I kept my priorities straight to reach out the other sections of society (outside the technical crowd)

I slowly understood why people are not that outgoing in India in regular basis - because it is very difficult to have an active life. I understood why people need a caring family to always stick together - to give you moral boost when you have to deal with 2 hrs daily traffic and extreme work pressure. You need lots of friends because the infrastructure needs constant support. Even to maintain basic standards, one has to work very hard.

I also learned to answer those judgmental people that I have given back the govt subsidy in my undergrad years 20X in form of taxes while working in India.To remind myself,  I am among the niche section of 3% who give taxes in India and that is one of the biggest challenge of Indian Government other than the messed-up priorities of political parties. About taxes, it also feels better to think that I supported 2-3 teachers' salaries while paying taxes to Government because definitely the roads or pathetic support given to the poorer section of our society wont justify the tax.

I wrote a two-part blog after 2 years in India - part 1 & part 2. However, once my initial agenda was over, I was impatient and then I met Himalayas. That little encounter caused a journey of lifetime across the high altitude villages to remote corners of India. I spent close to six months in villages as part of my non profit agenda to change India from grass-root. I talked to hundreds of teachers and thousands of students. If you are interested, you can read the final verdict of my journey here.

About India (from an observer/traveler viewpoint not a techie)

When I traveled, I got rid of all the comforts of the riches and walked the roads in cheapest public transports in not-so-attractive clothes seeing corner to corner. I ended up walking close to 2000 km in Indian roads and trails.

The good/better/best

- I realized slowly the heart and soul of India do not lie in those congested polluted suffocated metros because our souls can not thrive in that environment. 

- India being a country of extremes, there are crazy good places with beauty and infinite warmth of local people. Every place is not like the hellhole called Delhi.

- The landscapes are mind-blowing and if you are ready to take the difficult path to walk the roads, you will discover it more

- Realize it or not, we spend a lot of energy and efforts for the food that we eat. The results are amazing almost in each part of India.

- The villages where plastics have not reached.

- The properly educated communities where people respect each other and there are many amazing people who are trying to save their environment. 

- The next generation full of energy and smile. It was difficult to integrate 5-6 hours of teaching as a volunteer in open and govt schools apart from my work but that was the best part of my weeks.

- Since there are so many options, you can always find warm-hearted people and you can lead a good life with lots of humane and positive energy.

- Most people are really hard working. Which is good as well as sad since people are fighting for some basic things like clean water, clean air and better environment for their children.

- There are super humans working among people who have the energy to transform thousands of lives. I have met such people in my non profit journey, not so much in my technical circle.

The Bad 

- It is a country of judgement. Everyone is judging! I get less judgement because I am a man and I am not so easy going when people throw comments. Women deal with a lot more. After a point, one can learn how to ignore the looks and comments easily. The more difficult form of that is in the inherent racism that you would face and notice. 

- It has a culture of expectations. It is a major propaganda and brainwash that will force you to feel that you are never able to meet people expectations. You can also learn to ignore that.

- There are too many boundaries between people. 

The Ugly

- The population and the mismanagement surrounding it are choking the next generation.

- The money-centric education and healthcare as a business both are crushing the lower middle class and part of middle class. This is causing a vicious cycle of poverty difficult to break.

- Having some of the most beautiful natural landscapes surrounding us, the people are destroying it one tree at a time. 

- Did I say the obsession of plastic. The village ponds are now plastic ponds, the lakes around metros are severely polluted. 
- The lack of trust. No wonder people do not want to go out of their comfort zones and the people they know well.

- The value of the 90% population of India who do not earn a lot. They are not well, they are insecure and when the majority is in distress, the country is in distress no matter what the well-to-do sections think. It is a country where you do not want to be someone without money. 

Why Leave again!!

Many asked me that, after knowing India so closely and able to contribute so much grass root, why leave then!  I will not bore you talking about the humiliation I faced while I tried to get involved with a clear mind or the out-of-place feeling among the egotist academicians of India who could not have any understanding of my profile. I was a bit unlucky in academic domains as well given my field is very infrastructure intensive and there is almost 10-15 years gap between India and developed countries in my field. It was embarrassing and it was difficult to prove again and again. I am tired to put all my time and energy in technical fields where I think more societal efforts than technical are needed to change India. And I can not survive outside an academic campus in metros. 

Once I read in Quora  where someone mentioned with own experiences that India does not need people who have proved themselves abroad because the ones who succeeded in India have struggled much more and they do not want you to get the best of both worlds. It is not an inclusive culture.

Sometime in 2018, I was sitting in a cemented auditorium in a good apartment complex of Bangalore and I noticed almost every kid is coughing. The air even inside the complex was polluted. Then I realized - it is such a sad situation here that even being the smartest people at work and buying apartment costing more than 60-70 lakhs, the parents are not able to guarantee breathable air for their kids. That is exactly where the formula of development of India is failing. It is failing the people even with more money flowing to the privileged, it is causing more harm than imagined. 

After my return from my travels and while spending 6 months in Kolkata and Bangalore, I coughed blood or fell plain sick whenever I walked without mask. The himalayan trekker felt weak and sick dealing with the pollution and the feeling of trapped in between the concrete, away from the blues and greens. 

You always have the moment when you decide that enough is enough. There comes a day while I was trying to make my way avoiding  the impending doom of being hit by cars to walk on a muddy road. I cursed all the way and regretted every little or big sacrifices I made to be in my home country, I decided that it is not working. It was very painful decision to leave but I left for the same reason as I came back - to be in a position to help others and myself. If I am sick and unhappy, I bring negative energy to a country that is already suffering from a lot of it. It was time to say good bye to a country whose landscapes I loved the most and people I feel most connected to.

My honest suggestion to friends who are planning to return -

Be aware that your homeland has a Human Development Rank of 130 in the world. So if you are here today reading my blog, it is because of luck - either being blessed with special intelligence that got noticed in the right place or being born in the right family. You are among the top 10 pct of the country and the rest 90 pct is not doing well. You have to live with the fact that most people in India are suffering and it is not getting much better because of growing population and failing models of development. Technology and some policies are improving the life styles of the top 10 pct. But it is getting more difficult for the majority with high inflation, unplanned govt policies and above all, heartlessness of people towards fellow citizens. When farmers protest, it is real. When common people are pushed to corner due to unmanageable population and apathy from others, it is real. When people say things are improving in India, it is just the lives of the chosen few.

But I still have hope that once population saturates, Government takes inclusive decisions to take care of everyone, the education spreads, farmers & entrepreneurs  from every corner push the transport mafias and middlemen out- India will be a more even place to live. Whether I will be alive that day or not, I am not sure but through my non profit efforts I will keep working on the topics of quality education and imparting skills of employ-ability. I do believe proper education and employ-ability training will be the key game charger in days to come. High tech sector may not solve most of India's problems.

Anyway, if you plan to come, secure your return in the form of foreign passports (if you can because when you try to go back, you will compete with millions) and have some strong long-term agenda in your mind, example follows

1) If you are one among the lucky fellows to have a PhD, Being a professor in India can be quite rewarding specially if you can teach well and have the energy to change the outdated culture of academic institutions of India.  You will breathe good air and good company in form of students with some sacrifice in the finance department.

2) If you are very family-centric and you do not care if the air is poisonous or not and you live less active and outgoing life, you should be OK. Among loved ones, the problems do not feel like problems. Problems are like opportunities to bond.

3) If you are not getting traction in your job abroad and got a great opportunity to lead a big team where you can contribute much more. Remember if you can bring more high tech jobs, that means more tax payers. Also in that process, you employ more people in all sectors - house-helps, drivers, grocery sellers. 

4) You are an entrepreneur by nature and you want to scale fast via Apps. India is the place to grow as even if you get traction in a small part of a town, you can get 100 thousand customers.

5) You are slowly changing and you do not like the change. Coming back will help to retain your own self. This was precisely the reason for me to come back and to leave again.

If you have kids, be prepared that they will not get access to breathable air unless you are fortunate enough to have the reason #1.

That is all. Please take this blog with all my mature and immature observations as I swing between practicality and pure emotional decisions. I never regretted coming back as it helped me discover the other sides of me - the funnier side, the adventurer, the traveler, the teacher and it also made me closer to my family.

About me and my decisions, India never left me because these metros are not good representatives of India - they are very small and insignificant parts of India for me. While being physically away from my family, technology is there and I learned how to effectively use the long distance communication tools for the ones I love. India for me is the beautiful landscape that embraced me and the smiles of children that motivated me to be more energetic in solving their problems. For that, I would rather be somewhere in the corner of the world where I can breathe and think clearly about their future. A happy mind is the most productive one and one should not go against it, no matter how much cultural brainwashing may ask someone to go in the other direction. If that leads me back to India again after a few years or a decade, I will happily do that.

A country is made up of both the natural landscapes and the people. When I left, I felt much more connected to both of these than most people in the country itself. So in that sense, I never left India.

The best parts of India - the landscapes and the children

Money

When you do not have it, you want some

When you have some, you want more

When you have more, you want even more!!!!

That is the regular trend but there are many exceptions...

You ignore emotions for it

You manipulate emotions for it

You justify fake emotions for it!!

But there are people who always placed heart before it......

Everyone knows that extra attachment to it, can cause discontent and that can obstruct happiness but people seek for it to get happiness. For most people (me too!), money creates a Catch 22 situation. You want it more and more so that you do not need it any more and can enjoy life. But the more you earn it, the more you want to have it and happiness becomes your second priority.

The theory of raising consciousness only makes sense for people who have enough of it. For the people who does not know if they have a job tomorrow and has no money, consciousness is an idea that won't feed them.

In any case, I can not chalk out the right things to do with this thing called money since I am not at all expert of this money management game and the game is actually very tough to play. However, I can share my personal habits, dilemmas  and thinking processes. (That is the point of blogs anyway to share and incite thoughts!)

Disclaimer : Everyone s life is different so should be the ideals. When I say that I follow this, does not mean other ways of living life is wrong. It is just a honest share. In these days of abusive social media posts and comparisons all the times to ones life with another, I want to say this up front. Please do not look at your life with my views. You can share your views in comment section whether it matches or completely opposite. 

I go by three basic principles or simple habits -

Over the years, no matter, what happens to the bank balance, reduce the individual monetary needs for living a happy life 

I can not stress this enough how reducing the needs have improved my life. Since 2000, when I started living on my own, the personal possessions started increasing till 2013. Then I donated a lot of things in USA and moved back to India. Another major collection of items started right after that and by 2016, I was full set of appliances and a car. I can not explain how happy I was to get rid of all that and lived for 18 months with 10-18 kg backpack. In 2017, I lived for 2 months with 5 kg bag in south east Asia and it was super fun.

Another experience worth sharing -  demonetization created havoc everywhere across India but that was the time when I had to live at 7 $ a day including food, travel and stay. I was in one of the remote areas of India where travel was not easy but I learned some basic skills in that process. Not only that, I understand (a little better) the despair and daily struggles of majority of population in India where they learnt to smile with all the monetary restrictions and changing priorities of Governments.

Important to note that I meant individual needs - not the needs of your family or the requirements for commitments you made. That calculation is separate whether it is for medical expenses, education expenses or something for other family needs. 

Spend according to habits but earn based on skill-set and qualifications

Sounds odd but this is the easiest of the three. Not to change ones requirements and spending habits once you have a decent bank balance. As long as your earning is more than your spending, it is cool. May be some will call you spendthrift, sometimes you may feel odd but it is good. But I want the salary based on my contribution and the finances of the company. If I save, I will keep it for my other interests. Even then if I have a good amount of saving at the end of my active life, I will donate to the needy.

This habit helped many decisions in my life easier. I always saved even in the times when I was a graduate student and even while providing most expenditures of my family. May be that is why it was a good step to finish the first innings of my life and start travelling for indefinite time ....18 months is not a bad break :-)

Enjoy life and make ultimate life decisions irrespective of money

This is the toughest one specially because I have some regrets in the darker days. The monetary loss are numbers and can be easily estimated. The other gains can be emotional gains, philosophical realizations that cannot be put in numbers even though these decisions changed the course of my life completely.

But I believe whether we have many lives or one, it should not be wasted chasing something that is an exchange tool. Money is definitely important but smile, bonding with family/friends, work life balance, being conscious, other interests, listening to own emotions and having the children alive inside us are equally or more important.

This photo I took in Assam reminds me of the usual money chasing game in this society.

The child in us

If you ask me where do I see myself in 5 years!!!

My answer will be  - 

I want to see the world as a child sees it. I wish to take on infinite waves of visuals and still be able to process it. I want to make friends without judging them. I want to enjoy the moments as it is without much over-thinking. I want to smile randomly at everyone. I want the grown up inside me to be active only for protection from the negative energies and  to deal with the difficult part of life. 

I remember a trekker friend told me once that the happiness on my face was very addictive during the Himalayan treks. I am not sure yet if the solitude and beauty in mountains made me connect to my inner feelings or it connects to the child in me. One thing for sure - after the close encounter with the mother nature, I started seeing and appreciating a whole new world without hesitations.

We are all aware of the fact that childhood has a major role to play in our lives - our belief system, our strengths and our weaknesses. Also, children are the most adorable part of society. A child's smile can take away the stress of 14-hour work day. But do we realize, as we grow old (or less young), we keep pushing our childhood away intentionally or by external forces? As we struggle to meet our needs or mere expectations after needs are fulfilled, we forget the one that can open the doors to happiness even in tough situations - the child in us.

The inner voice keeps blabbering on practical things and when I hand over the control to the childish self, I feel free and quite happy! For sometime, I am trying to figure out why I become friends with some people almost instantly and why some others' presence creates stress beyond the differences of behaviors, interests or life values. It somehow links to the child inside me. 

A healthy child in an acceptable environment is usually stress free, loves little things of life, do not over think, is usually very moody and wants to do things that she/he loves. Now lets say you keep that child intact even when you age, but you switch modes between the adult that restricts and the child that enjoys. That will be the ideal situation if you can balance them out.

Now back to some details about my own life...may be you will find similarities!

Who chokes the child inside me?

- The people who are always serious and take every word seriously
- The people who always compare 
- The ones who have lost the track for enjoying simple things
- The people who do not believe in being childish or impractical
- The people who can not properly (or whole-heartedly) smile
- The people chasing materialistic things after losing the button to shut that mode off time to time

Over time I developed a three-step process to deal with such people who chokes the child!

- Have a shield-on mode i.e. do not process information around them
- Never expose your 'immature' side
- If above two do not work, simply avoid them!

Who makes the child inside me happier?

- Children with smiles
- The people with authentic smiles
- The crazy people who are always impulsive and energetic
- The outdoor activities and games
- The people who can go beyond the surface complications of life and just enjoy life as it is
- The ones who have their children in them alive and then we sometimes become pals for life
- The ones thrilled with the beauty of this world

Now most important part - how can you keep your childish part alive?

- Pamper yourself time to time (chocolate, ice cream - have a guilty pleasure)
- Be mischievous
- Laugh aloud
- Be friends with children, not as a guardian or grown up but as their peer
- Stay closer to mother nature - trees , open wide sky, mountains , oceans , lakes that will help you feel like kids
- Child hood friends and your family will remind you of your childhood. Talk about your childhood
- Never burden yourself with too much serious things around
- Avoid the people or protect yourself from comparisons and the people who do that
- Strike a balance between the practical self and the impractical self
- And most importantly. do not ignore your creative side, your knowledge seeking side and your fun loving side
- Be THRILLED

Last but not the least, give me best of luck for being more childish!!

Mountains helped me a lot to keep the child alive across years and continents 

(Photo courtesy: fellow travelers)