Learning in First Retirement : The Final Verdict

This is my tenth and last blog in this series where I tried to pour my heart out about the 18-month break, I termed as my 'First Retirement'. Little breaks or big breaks are not too uncommon in this world but it is quite unusual in a country like India specially if the materialistic loss is high.

(All the learning from my journey can not be expressed in blogs. These long blogs already test patience of readers!!)

Usual questions and comments, I got so far-

I envy you!
You should make money out of travels!!
You are my inspiration, I want to follow your footsteps to quit job and travel!!!
Can you really come back to your old life?
Was it worth it to make this dent to your career?

and few negative comments that I discussed before.

Let me make it clear. I do not want to make any kind of statement. It is my own journey and your journey can be something very different. Finally life is not about ticking bucket lists (that is a travel agency propaganda...even though sometimes I get deviated too in such lists).

I do not want to be a misinterpreted inspiration. I do not want to be someone's reason to quit job so that one can experience the world. If someone wants to learn from my journey so far, that is to listen to your heart even if you are very good at calculations. Being impractical comes naturally to me, but not to everyone!

Why I may never make money out of my travels or my love of mountains? - Those things are too personal to me to get anyone else involved or ask for money from someone. There is an inherent dilemma when you love mountains and to stay in mountains, you bring more people to that sensitive ecosystem only to ruin it. You love traveling to secret and beautiful places and you share those secrets only to make them included in the bucket list of tourists. Also I believe a person can have multiple interests - one for earning and more passionate one into a hobby.

Things changed over time. The one I started in Himalayas, moved to villages of India to an obsession for treks to a backpacker in south east Asia to an agitated trekker in a group not willing to share Himalayas with others to a random traveler in Europe to a self discovery trip in solo treks of Nepal. The journey never ends. Towards the end, I was simply tired. I could not absorb any more and that was the time to stop...Take a deep breath and prepare for the next steps. I think I reached the best carefree state of mind of enjoying the travel somewhere between sixth and 10th month when I stopped planning and used to go with the random wishes every day. First two months were most enjoyable as I was there in higher Himalayas non-stop.

How Romantic is it? - You do come across those motivating news - 'He/she left his/her job to pursue .....' or the situation of the movie 'Swedes' where a NASA program manager comes for visit to India, helps villagers, and quits NASA to come back to India. I am sorry life is not a movie or a hurried news story that does not understand the basic principles of life. You quit your job because you were not happy. There is no romance in that. I have seen thousands of people in my journey who did not join a regular job at all because they were passionate about something else and that satisfaction was more valuable for that person. Similarly, some of the conclusions I reached at the end of my journey, many of my practical friends knew those all along and they did not have to experience it or quit their hard fought positions. 

Is this for everyone? - Absolutely Not. Some part of me still reminds me the amount of stocks (read travel money) I lost and the dent it created in my career. The other parts know that I took it because I follow my heart. I may have a strong practical sense but I like the impractical part of me more and when the time comes, the manager listens to that impractical one. You can read my conflicts here.

So please do not be inspired by my actions. Just follow your heart or whatever we mean by that! Since there will always be reasons to have regrets, why not live a little in the process!!

Some wise person once said, we live in moments. If you tell me to list my top 100 moments of life, more than 80 will be from these 18 months of journey. That should tell something about life in general. We do not remember the time when you become practical and do the right thing at the right time, you remember the time when you do something stupid to follow your heart.....whether that is love, that is going for some passion or just a little break in a long life like I did.

What about my state of mind? - Even if I collected a bag of great moments, the state of mind is dependent on the temporary things at that instant. But Knowledge is an integration. So I think my knowledge quota has expanded a lot. How I process that information and knowledge, is up to me now.

Not only I gained experiences, I got many friends outside my usual technical (primarily IIT) circle. Now I have good share of trekker friends, traveler friends and people I met during this journey. They helped me to get rid of some mental bias ingrained due to one specific type of friend settings I had in last 15 years.

What is good about it? - getting closures. I wanted to spend time in Himalayas long term - I experienced that. I wanted to travel around India in local transports like a commoner, I could do that. I used to spend 4-5 hours volunteering for kids every week and one day, I realized that should not be my reason to stay in a polluted city. So I spent 5 months in different schools not only to get better understanding of the problems grass-root but also to satisfy my volunteering spirits. Now that my mind got closures on those things I have been trying to do for many years,  I am relatively free to choose anything I want to do. NO REGRETS!

What is bad about it? - I never prepared myself for the day when I decided to stop traveling. You can not prepare for it. The one who started the journey wont be the same at the end. And that is a big problem. I never experienced such anger and irritation when I stopped travelling and tried to adjust to Indian Metros. I was terrible. I was sick for months. I became depressed. I lost my will to drag the days. It was hell after heavenly days of travel. Worst part was that most travelers have to endure this pain when they stop. But that time also proved the fact that I have changed and the things I could have made peace with before, are not negotiable any more. The more I discover about the changes and try to absorb the learning, the easier it will be to go on. You can not come back to your old life.

End of day, I can make mountains with waterfalls, lakes, rivers, glaciers next to a beautiful ocean all in my own mind any time. And I started integrating nature (anything not human made) in my regular life. That is a welcome change in my mentality. Other things are background noise that will always be there.

However, I want to mention that I just love the unpredictability of my life created by the way, I take decisions!! Some random comments and some interesting thought process made me come back to India after 10 years in USA. A friend willing to go to Himalayas forced me to plan for a trek in Himalayas. I found new ideas to take breaks after that trek and I executed it. I planned something for a six month break, I did something else. I extended it to 18 months. I tried to do a lot of things after coming back and I failed in most of them. Then some opportunity knocked on the door and I am again close to nature. It is just like a personal roller coaster in random tracks. And finally all our lives are, in a way or the other. The moment you realize you are just 1 among 7 Billion souls, the stress of roller coaster journey vanishes and you just enjoy the ups and downs. You can scream or you can smile for the camera!!

Some moments just happen without planning....