I know I am slowly moving into controversial domain where people have difference of opinions. But I am tired of saying the same things to everyone and sometimes writing them out helps :-)
As we over-think everything, we definitely have second thoughts more often than we know. However, in some critical decision making process, these thoughts represent the doubts we have on a well-proven and accepted concept. Alas! we can not nurture them for 1001 reasons. In a series of posts, I will bother you with some second thoughts (suppressed ones) for the cycle of life.
What is Cycle of Life for a normal individual?
Before you know, you start learning things, you start playing and you start caring for things important to you. Then before you realize, books become more important than everything else. You definitely love your parents and your siblings. Life was fine till 10-11. Then you start feeling the pressure of competition. They reach a peak around 18-19 yrs of age. When you have maximum tendency to deviate, then your career path is decided by your intelligence, available guidance, opportunities and sheer luck (YES, ask any first generation learner how luck plays).
Fine, so then you take the path of engineers, doctors, teachers, entrepreneurs, laborers or struggling ones. You try to reach stability and before you become stable or matured enough, you fall in love or intend/being forced to get married (depending on your background, these two may come in this order or in the reverse). So you settle down, right?
Now your friends start having babies, your parents or grandparents start giving signals & sometimes, you want to jump to the next phase just being bored in the current one. Having kids is a wonderful thing and you definitely need them more than you need you. They add that purity in your heart, you started missing in the grinding life style to survive.
But they grow up so fast and before you know it, you forget to live independently without them like earlier times. Then happiness or sadness of your world would depend on happenings of their lives. You will slowly look for the next phase. But that next phase depends on them now. Their success, decisions, physical locations and "cycle of life" guide your "cycle of life". Towards the end, you may limit yourself to less activities, mostly motivate yourself from emotional happenings and one day, leave this place & all the belongings you cared so much. That is about it.
So why should you have any second thoughts here???? Life is so simple, predictable, painful yet a wonderful mixed bag. Why should there be any other path. Right?
Trust me, YOU are the LUCKIEST PERSON on EARTH if you are never bothered with the thoughts below...
The troubling thoughts that comes with a suggestion SUPPRESS ME PLEASE!!
There are three main phase-changing events in life and there are bunch of questions associated with it. Career and other things change the path of life slightly but that do not influence us so much as these three.
1) An enjoyable childhood to a competitive student life:
Do we ever ask ourselves/our parents/teachers if studying pages and pages of books will do any good to the world or not?
Why does certain aptitude/skill-set become so decisive? (take example of IIT exams, which test some of your skills but decides your engineering future)
Why parents can not think beyond the so called story of success? (World is tough for aspiring painters, writers or actors/actresses any day)
What is true education? (If the education system is so mature, why the world is suffering so much?)
2) The Marriage/ Commitments of Love :
Can I think of alternative life beyond love, marriage and kids?
At an age of 25, the world can open so many doors, but why my parents,family members and friends are so worried about my marriage? Can't they think any other path to happiness?
Why marriage should be driven by glorification of simple laws of attraction, hormones or insecurity?
Why it is considered as an achievement and not a choice of life that can be ignored too?
3) Having own Kids and making them the center of life :
What is so special about ones gene that it should be continued?
When you are bringing up a child, she/he gives you more happiness than you offer to her/him. You owe them. Should not you think about that in later years while trying to control everything in their lives?
Why with millions of little kids being malnourished and denied good education & upbringing, the world needs one more child?
Why everyone should not think about investing own energy to bring smiles to the underprivileged kids before bringing in a new one? Should not we invest our energy to solve existing problems?
Why everyone should have the same happiness and same cycle of life ?
I will delve into more details and boring analysis in my future related posts but it is unfortunate that most people do not have time for such thoughts. Even after being self-aware, people do not want to miss out the known happy moments and scared to delve into new ways of living life. Children are brought up that way so that they can not to think outside the box.
It is true some people are family people; for them being a successful student, marrying early and having kids are the right steps to be happy and in turn, their duty as a good citizen. Agreed!
But what about the rest? What about suppressing own dreams to listen to parents? What about over-committing in a relation and ending up in marriages full of lies and pretensions? What about bringing a kid to a conflicting world? Why make a new addition to the world crazy with competition and take up the role of parents who want to fulfill their own dreams in the name of good parenting?
That is why I think we should pay more heed to the suppressed second thoughts. What do you think???
Please Note: This is no way related to any challenges in my personal life. I am lucky to have a progressive family background where marriage etc are optional. Also, many folks in USA may not connect to this as they are away from the push and pressure. But today's youth in India are still ready to take risks in professional lives but can not own their choice in personal lives. Just want to prove myself wrong here.....
As we over-think everything, we definitely have second thoughts more often than we know. However, in some critical decision making process, these thoughts represent the doubts we have on a well-proven and accepted concept. Alas! we can not nurture them for 1001 reasons. In a series of posts, I will bother you with some second thoughts (suppressed ones) for the cycle of life.
What is Cycle of Life for a normal individual?
Before you know, you start learning things, you start playing and you start caring for things important to you. Then before you realize, books become more important than everything else. You definitely love your parents and your siblings. Life was fine till 10-11. Then you start feeling the pressure of competition. They reach a peak around 18-19 yrs of age. When you have maximum tendency to deviate, then your career path is decided by your intelligence, available guidance, opportunities and sheer luck (YES, ask any first generation learner how luck plays).
Fine, so then you take the path of engineers, doctors, teachers, entrepreneurs, laborers or struggling ones. You try to reach stability and before you become stable or matured enough, you fall in love or intend/being forced to get married (depending on your background, these two may come in this order or in the reverse). So you settle down, right?
Now your friends start having babies, your parents or grandparents start giving signals & sometimes, you want to jump to the next phase just being bored in the current one. Having kids is a wonderful thing and you definitely need them more than you need you. They add that purity in your heart, you started missing in the grinding life style to survive.
But they grow up so fast and before you know it, you forget to live independently without them like earlier times. Then happiness or sadness of your world would depend on happenings of their lives. You will slowly look for the next phase. But that next phase depends on them now. Their success, decisions, physical locations and "cycle of life" guide your "cycle of life". Towards the end, you may limit yourself to less activities, mostly motivate yourself from emotional happenings and one day, leave this place & all the belongings you cared so much. That is about it.
So why should you have any second thoughts here???? Life is so simple, predictable, painful yet a wonderful mixed bag. Why should there be any other path. Right?
Trust me, YOU are the LUCKIEST PERSON on EARTH if you are never bothered with the thoughts below...
The troubling thoughts that comes with a suggestion SUPPRESS ME PLEASE!!
There are three main phase-changing events in life and there are bunch of questions associated with it. Career and other things change the path of life slightly but that do not influence us so much as these three.
1) An enjoyable childhood to a competitive student life:
Do we ever ask ourselves/our parents/teachers if studying pages and pages of books will do any good to the world or not?
Why does certain aptitude/skill-set become so decisive? (take example of IIT exams, which test some of your skills but decides your engineering future)
Why parents can not think beyond the so called story of success? (World is tough for aspiring painters, writers or actors/actresses any day)
What is true education? (If the education system is so mature, why the world is suffering so much?)
2) The Marriage/ Commitments of Love :
Can I think of alternative life beyond love, marriage and kids?
At an age of 25, the world can open so many doors, but why my parents,family members and friends are so worried about my marriage? Can't they think any other path to happiness?
Why marriage should be driven by glorification of simple laws of attraction, hormones or insecurity?
Why it is considered as an achievement and not a choice of life that can be ignored too?
3) Having own Kids and making them the center of life :
What is so special about ones gene that it should be continued?
When you are bringing up a child, she/he gives you more happiness than you offer to her/him. You owe them. Should not you think about that in later years while trying to control everything in their lives?
Why with millions of little kids being malnourished and denied good education & upbringing, the world needs one more child?
Why everyone should not think about investing own energy to bring smiles to the underprivileged kids before bringing in a new one? Should not we invest our energy to solve existing problems?
Why everyone should have the same happiness and same cycle of life ?
I will delve into more details and boring analysis in my future related posts but it is unfortunate that most people do not have time for such thoughts. Even after being self-aware, people do not want to miss out the known happy moments and scared to delve into new ways of living life. Children are brought up that way so that they can not to think outside the box.
It is true some people are family people; for them being a successful student, marrying early and having kids are the right steps to be happy and in turn, their duty as a good citizen. Agreed!
But what about the rest? What about suppressing own dreams to listen to parents? What about over-committing in a relation and ending up in marriages full of lies and pretensions? What about bringing a kid to a conflicting world? Why make a new addition to the world crazy with competition and take up the role of parents who want to fulfill their own dreams in the name of good parenting?
That is why I think we should pay more heed to the suppressed second thoughts. What do you think???
Please Note: This is no way related to any challenges in my personal life. I am lucky to have a progressive family background where marriage etc are optional. Also, many folks in USA may not connect to this as they are away from the push and pressure. But today's youth in India are still ready to take risks in professional lives but can not own their choice in personal lives. Just want to prove myself wrong here.....
What if people consider marriage and kids to be their riskiest actions? You never know who you marry and what kind of brats you can give birth to right....:))
ReplyDeleteThen you do not marry!! If you marry or not, should be your decision and only your decision.....but apart from the Bengalis, give me examples of people who do not marry and their families do not go crazy about it specially for girls.
DeleteLoved it and could connect to the situations... thanks for the wonderful read.. :) Looking forward to read more from you :)
ReplyDelete