Spare the Rod & Spare the Child

Writing this blog on Nov 14th, the day celebrated as Happy Childrens Day because it is important to give children their dues. Just taking pics and posting their pics as proud parents or uncles or aunts are not enough.

Disclaimer: I am not a child psychologist, I am not a physical parent of kids neither I claim to be the one expert w.r.t matters of children. But I have many friends in the age group 0-18, I think about the betterment of their lives & I do respect them like I do to anyone of my age or elder.

There is an old saying "Spare the Rod & Spoil the Child". I so detest that line and the concept, hence this heading. Bear with me for next few paragraphs while I pour my heart out.

#1: Do Not Bring Them to The World, When You Have No Time to Love 

Yes. It is important no matter what your parents think, no matter if your grandparents are in death bed or you are getting too old to reproduce. Not money, not your maturity, not your social status, a child needs love more than anything. Yes, you should be able to give her/him the basic necessities of life. When you are extremely busy with your life, trying to make a marriage work somehow, a child is not your answer to that. If you want to care for kids voluntarily and love part time, we have 10-15 crores children in India who are underprivileged and your little bit of time, energy, care will bring cheer in their lives. Give it a thought.

Bottom-line : Being a parent is one of the most wonderful things in this otherwise ordinary life but resist the temptation till you have time to love and to give some stability to the life of someone you are about to introduce to the world.

#2: Never Ever Use Them To Push Your Decisions

I believe the most common example is to use the issues of well being of a child to ruin a woman's career. It is unethical to use children as a reason for that rather the husband, the family and the society should create easier ways to make sure the mother does not have to quit her job, the grandmother does not have to stress herself to bring up the child and the child gets a good share of everyone's time. Be smart in planning that out.

Bottom-line: If a mother quits a job for her child or stays in a failed marriage, one day that child will come back and tell her that it was a wrong decision. Sacrifice is not a way of life it is rather a short cut sometimes. 

#3: Never Abuse Them in the Name of Controlling Them

Yes. Your son became hyper and started running towards Grand Canyon, to save him, you went overboard..... understood. But at your home, at friend's party, at the teaching desk, if you are comfortable with hitting your child, I am really sorry to say but it is CHILD ABUSE and you are a CHILD-ABUSING PARENT. Just because parents bring their child to the world, they do not get a free pass to hit them. Do not dump your frustration from failures and inefficiencies onto them.

There are different ways of child management and if you are incompetent enough to control them without hitting them, take a course of child management then. It is beyond unfair when you bring a guest home and then beat her/him in the name of imparting principles on to them. 

Bottom-Line : Learn to communicate without Violence. Do not  ever teach them violence as the way of controlling someone from such tender age. Driven by old habits, if you ever touch them in a negative fashion, apologize to your kid immediately and promise to yourself not to do this ever again. 

#4: Respect Them

Yes. You heard it right. Just because they are so young do not take their existence for granted. Love them, Teach them, Take care of them but beyond that, Respect them. They are blessings to your lives and their minds hold keys to the magic boxes of future to make things better.

Treat them like you treat any grown ups. If you think a bit more, we are actually all immature and clueless about the vast knowledge and immeasurable forces that guide the world. So we are actually on the same page.

Do not blackmail them, explain them with logic. No false promises, maintain the same principles you follow with any adults.

Bottom-Line: Kids have the power to make us smile, to hope for a better world and to find a good reason to live in the darkest moments of our lives. Respect them for that.

#5:  Befriend Them

This is my ultimate suggestion that may help any parent to connect when they reach adolescence. Understand that being a mother or a father just represent few bonds you share with your daughter or son. They are many more bonds you can nurture by the friendship. When they grow up and reach 7-8 yrs of age, they need a friend more than a protective mother or father.

Grow as a person with them. Follow the same principles in life that you wish to see in them. Be the friend, philosopher and guide when they need, learn to accept it when they become totally independent & LEARN from them too. 

Bottom-Line: Kids are sometimes our best friends. They give you a pure perspective of life and no matter how much your ignore that, you need that kind of friendship to live a better life. 

Happy Children's Day & Three Cheers for the Child in Us.

Best moments of my lives are given by the children around me with their smiles and by the children who are away by distance but they are close to my heart and their eyes are my motivation to do something beyond I can easily do. Want to add this picture just to remember some of those smiling faces :P